I didn't shave. On purpose
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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