I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
