and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I checked into jail on foursquare
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
