My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
