Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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