I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wear drunk well.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
