Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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