I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
