headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
