we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
