Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She said her name was "party"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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