IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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