I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
