and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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