He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
