I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize