His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need water and some morals
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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