I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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