You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
