If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
