My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
