Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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