im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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