doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
