Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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