Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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