The maid of honor just puked.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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