You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
