If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
