Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
