In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
