i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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