I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
