Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize