five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
