remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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