I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
