Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
