So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
