Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She looked kinda like Mario Batali?

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  (250): She looked kinda like Mario Batali? http://tfl.nu/17rh
  Replies (23) Good night (559) Bad night (2859)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2971) Bad night (675)
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  (310): View more from California

  u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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  (310): u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5zha
  Replies (33) Good night (7314) Bad night (1224)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (1224) Bad night (5888)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

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  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1689) Bad night (5290)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

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  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (3172) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.

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  (515): This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking. http://tfl.nu/zh63
  Replies (4) Good night (2511) Bad night (814)
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  (760): View more from California

  She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

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  (760): She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/43xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3369) Bad night (1058)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.

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  (217): I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart. http://tfl.nu/psm5
  Replies (6) Good night (2163) Bad night (963)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.

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  (813): So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer. http://tfl.nu/hmny
  Replies (5) Good night (1072) Bad night (3237)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.

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  (505): Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why. http://tfl.nu/r7vy
  Replies (7) Good night (2319) Bad night (824)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.

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  (306): My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover. http://tfl.nu/l5g3
  Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (974)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed

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  (432): posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed http://tfl.nu/3oaa
  Replies (3) Good night (402) Bad night (702)
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  (619): View more from California

  Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.

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  (619): Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket. http://tfl.nu/fgzh
  Replies (7) Good night (746) Bad night (378)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.

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  (207): Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag. http://tfl.nu/rx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (249) Bad night (513)

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