Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours