She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?