You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?