the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.