from now on my penis is your penis
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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