Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
