I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She announced her abortion via fbk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
