haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
