I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize