I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
