when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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