aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
