I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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