Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
