I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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