is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
