I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
