I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
