I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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