Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
